FALSE ALLEGATIONS of Sexual Misconduct: Basics for Young Men and Their Parents
The experience of a false accusation can be devastating to young men, especially if they are up against a legal or academic system that views an allegation as proof of guilt. False allegations can result in everything from expulsion from school, to job loss and legal nightmares– and overwhelming feelings of shame and anger. Moreover, young men and their families may face loneliness or social isolation due to the real or imagined circumstances that their social circle harbors a misguided premise that believing all women is always helpful…One of the worst parts of a false accusation is that it can upend a young man’s life at the exact point when college and work were supposed to be his focus; and losing focus in these areas at such a critical point in life can have long term consequences on the young man’s mental, social, and economic health if he is unable to regain his focus.
For Young Men: Some days, you may feel profound anger or shame; other days you may feel numb or depleted; and other days you may feel surprisingly normal. For example, anger is often a natural emotion when we feel our boundaries have been violated or an injustice has occurred, so in the case of a false accusation, you might channel your anger into the action of doing any support work for your own legal or Title IX case if it’s still active; or volunteering for groups that advocate to support victims of false allegations regardless of whether your case is closed. Intense physical exercise can also be helpful.
Seeing a therapist: I know it is extremely difficult to find an understanding mental health professional in this particular situation. Some victims of false allegations have told me they had to visit up to 15 different therapists to find the right person. Feel free to ask the therapist to share their stance with you on the “believe all women” position that many therapists (and many people in general) seem to embrace. Explain that you are only asking because you feel it is important for you to have a therapist whose belief system does not stipulate that all women must be believed, because this implies that men (including you) must be disbelieved.
For Parents: Parents have a very difficult balance when trying to be supportive without becoming enabling or actually prolonging a young man’s return to a path of strength and independence. While it is essential to be supportive, parents must not become co-dependent or enablers. Parents may want to go to their own therapy as well if they need help learning how to set healthy boundaries and positive expectations for their son.
drchloe.com-Dr. Chloe Carmichael, PhD
