If she has touched alcohol, do not touch her. The line between intoxication and incapacitation has been erased. Men are being expelled even though the girl is aware and the aggressor in the encounter.

Document her consent. You must get documentation of her consent. Send her a text message and save her reply or record her verbal consent on your phone. Record witnesses confirming her consent. It is now a man’s sole responsibility to get consent, verbally and continually. Unbelievably, this applies to every encounter during a long-term relationship. The more consent men can record the better. Save it all. Never delete. You could be a freshman now, but she can accuse you when you are a senior. University of Alaska recommends videotaping affirmative consent.

When it comes to a school hearing, accused men have to PROVE they obtained consent. Men are guilty until proven innocent under current interpretations of Federal Title IX.While every state is different (California and New York have Affirmative Consent laws) most school policies already incorporate the expectation that in a he said/she said case, she will always win.

The sexual partner to accuse first, wins. The best defense is offense. If the next day the girl asks you questions about what happened last night, it is likely that she is starting to regret. Her regret can too often turn into a rape accusation. You need to immediately file a complaint with the Title IX department before she does. It seems cruel to hurt her in this way, and may seem unrealistic, but we are mothers who have seen it happen to our sons.

But will you take this step? Probably not. Understand that this ‘first accusation’ policy is the way policymakers can justify the anti-male bias in these cases. So if she is acting ‘squirrelly’, you have no choice. How badly do you want to fight to stay in college? What is your college education worth to you? Do you want to be a college graduate?  You must fight for yourself and file a complaint against her with your Title IX office.

First, know that we are sorry this has happened to you. Your life will be turned upside down, and you are headed towards a college hearing process that is illogical. You will probably be found guilty of some form of sexual misconduct. So you need to be strong, think clearly and fight the battle of all battles to save your reputation and your future. You must be aggressive and fight because if you do not, your college lifestyle and career are over.  We are mothers who have been through this with our sons, or friend’s sons. We know firsthand, if you do not fight for your life, you will be expelled, your transcript will be stamped, and you will probably be denied entrance to other colleges. (Falsely accused Patrick Witt was nearly ruined by his college’s policy. Falsely accused C. Warner discusses his case on Al Jazeera America. )

TL;DR short version:

Consult a lawyer before you speak to college staff or your friends. It’s important for your lawyer to communicate to the school for you. The college needs to know you are fighting for your good name. Find a lawyer now.  Your lawyer does not need to practice in your own state to represent you. And do not expect help from your college; we’ve seen many cases where they will actively attempt to trip you up.

Resource links for attorneys:

http://www.ncfmcarolinas.com/#!attorneys/c9fw

http://www.facecampusequality.org/attorneys.html

http://www.studentdefend.com/

Call your parents. You should not be ashamed of being falsely accused. We are mothers and can explain to your parents why this is happening to hundreds of college men.

For Help Call: 310-494-0110

First: Work with your lawyer to build your defense. You must mount a fast and aggressive defensive if you want to stay enrolled in college. Stay in contact with your friends, and acquaintances who know about ‘that night.’  Get statements early and quickly.  Ask around without offering information, and admit nothing. If you’ve been removed from campus, ask friends to help you. Some will help, others will not. Pour over your documentation. Gather text messages and cell phone photos, save everything you can to prove your innocence. You are fighting for your future.  You are fighting keep your transcript from being stamped ‘responsible for sexual assault.’

Second: Do not use your school server for emails.  Your email traffic is not secure or private. Your college will access your emails, and hand them over to law enforcement without a warrant. Find a different email system to use. If you are expelled, you’ll lose your email account any communications sent to you from the school, so forward all emails to a personal email address.

Keep your mouth shut, and let your lawyer respond to the school. There may be a criminal accusation filed as well because schools are under increasing pressure to bring in the police. You’ve heard it on the TV: anything you say to anyone about this situation could be used against you. Don’t get angry; just shut up. The sites listed above have links to lawyers. A lawyer does not need to practice in your own state to represent you. You need the lawyer to communicate to the school for you. Call a lawyer NOW, they will talk you NOW, and money may be an issue for you down the road, but not yet.

Stay off of social media as well.

Third: Prepare to mount a fight against your college and even the girl: Consider suing the girl for slander. Get the girl away from the safe confines of your college, and hold her accountable in a courtroom.  Also, prepare yourself for a Kafkaesque college hearing process.  The hearing will be about her feelings, and not facts. But regardless, you still need as much evidence as possible to attempt to prove your innocence. (Falsely accused Victor Zheng writes about his horrible and unjust University disciplinary system. )

Fourth: Soon you will receive a no-contact order from the college. You will be denied freedom to go anywhere the girl is likely to be: classes, dormitory, and cafeteria.  It’s more likely you will be removed from campus entirely. Be ready to lose a semester of credit and tuition if not more. Your college will treat you as guilty from the moment she filed her complaint. Tough luck, you’ve got to buck it up and continue to fight, so keep your friends close and keep a good attitude. (Columbia student Paul Nungesser cleared of rape charges speaks out.)

Five: Get help. Psychological help if necessary. False accusations are not your fault. You are the victim of a girl’s accusation who is covering up for her regretful decision. You love your college now, but their unfair treatment can be conflicting. Do what you need to do to stay mentally healthy.

Read this article about false accusations and the denial of men’s emotional pain:

Read about Joshua Strange, a college student like you, who tells what it feels like to be falsely accused:

Six: Knowledge is power. It wasn’t long ago that a girl’s accusation was tossed aside.  But today there are powerful political groups that have President Obama’s support.  The steps that you and your parents take right now, will help you mount your best defense. Both at the school and later on when you sue the school for violating your due process rights.

Why is this happening to me? My friends have sex in their dorm room and no one accused them. Sadly, you just hooked up at the wrong time, in the wrong place, at the wrong college, with an impressionable girl who has fallen prey to the politically motivated feminists.

It began with a 2011 Dear Colleague Letter from the Department of Education.

Slate writer Emily Yoffe has an excellent 2014 article on the campus rape over correction.

This is a backlash from years of inadequate responses to allegations of sexual assault: 2011 Update to Title IX: The pendulum has swung too far.

Esquire Magazine has an in-depth article: The disastrous fallout when drunk sex meets academic bureaucracy:

There are many cases: Database of Lawsuits against Universities Alleging Due Process and Other Violations in Adjudicating Sexual Assault

More up-to-date stories about men fighting back in court and winning.

Keep your son close. He should not be ashamed of being accused, nor should you. He is just a pawn in a politically charged national drama created by a small group of radical feminists. We are mothers fighting for our sons. We can help you understand why hundreds of college men are being railroaded by their own beloved college.

Parents can defend their sons without jeopardizing them. Be aggressive, and do not delay. You need to email and call the President of the University and the Title IX coordinator immediately and voice your concern at the treatment of your son.  Request meetings with both.  Be very vocal with questions, and do not settle for standard answers, or a brush off. The college needs to know that your son is a decent human being with feelings, and not a number that can be easily disregarded and expelled forever from campus. Become familiar with the players in your son’s investigation and sexual misconduct hearing. Research what is happening at the school with other cases so you can understand the big picture.

Prepare for the Disciplinary Hearing. The school may claim they do not have to provide you with their evidence, keep insisting that they do. Pore over every detail to find inconsistencies in her statements, and witness statements. Don’t exclusively rely on your lawyer, you have more time than your lawyer has. And you will fight harder for your own child than anyone else will.

Contact FIRE, Foundation for Individual Rights in Education. FIRE works to protect due process rights in education. While they do not offer legal advice they may refer you to a qualified attorney once you submit your case for review. Follow this link here: www.thefire.org/resources/submit-a-case/

On the day of the hearing be mentally ready. The hearing lasts 4-8 hours. It will be very difficult for your son. After the hearing, prepare for the worst. When the college determines that your son is responsible, and he is expelled, it helps to already have a plan in place for your son so he can stay busy.

Appeal the decision: The Appeal is a formality that the courts will require you to pursue before you can take your case to court. The civil courts are the only way to find rational justice. Be sure to document every step of the way so that you have as strong a case as possible when you turn to the courts for your son’s justice.

Read accounts from mothers like you, who have been in your shoes.

Judith Grossman: A Mother, a Feminist, Aghast. Unsubstantiated accusations against my son by a former girlfriend landed him before a nightmarish college tribunal.

Allison Strange talks weekly with mothers of accused college rapists.  Read about her son’s story.

Statement from family of innocent Columbia graduate Paul Nungesser.

Letter from a mother to Mr. President.

A mother shares the details of her son’s Kafkaesque college hearing process.

We are mothers and fathers who have been through this unimaginable ordeal, and we are a here to help you and your family through this.

For Help Call: 310-494-0110

Stop abuse for everyone:

www.stopabuseforeveryone.org/

FACE: Families advocating for campus equality

www.facecampusequality.org/advice-from-an-attorney.html

A Voice for Male Students:

www.avoiceformalestudents.com/wrongful-accusations-of-sexual-misconduct/

Community of the wrongly accused

www.cotwa.info/

FIRE: Foundation for Individual Rights

www.thefire.org/category/cases/due-process/

National Coalition For Men Carolinas

ncfmcarolinas.com