IN HIS OWN WORDS. From a Student Accused, Expelled, & Vindicated in Appellate Court
Before I tell my story, I would just like to say something to everybody else who is going through what I am going through. Don’t let them win. These schools, these girls, these lawyers, EVERYONE will try to beat you down into submission. They want you to quit on life and give up. If you sit there, take it, and don’t fight for yourself and your future, your life really will be over.
…Recently, I found out that I had won my lawsuit against my old college and gotten my expulsion removed from my permanent record. It was the day that I have dreamed about every single day since I was expelled for sexual assault four years ago. My life was over, or so I thought. I learned a lot about myself in the past four years, however. I learned that I am much stronger than I ever imagined. Most importantly, though, I learned that I have fantastic parents who would fight to the death for me, and for that I am eternally grateful.
In high school, I was a 4.0 student with a 2300 on my SATs. I was on top of the world and I had my whole life ahead of me. I went off to college excited for the best four years of my life. Instead, I was kicking off the worst four years of my life…Like most other kids in this situation, my story begins with a drunken hookup. I left a party because a girl asked me to take her somewhere more private. I got her verbal consent and we had sex. A month later she claimed she did not remember the events in question and I was being investigated for sexual assault. I thought that because I received consent and she had initiated the encounter, I was in the clear. Boy, was I wrong. Every single thing that I said was distorted by the investigator into victim-blaming. (Even after I won in court, it was still said that I never proved any bias. The investigator was a female rape crisis counselor, who had a master’s degree in women’s studies proudly displayed in her office. You tell me if you think there was any bias there.) Unsurprisingly, I was found to have committed a sexual assault and was expelled from school. My life was over and I had no clue how I was going to put myself back together again. I had no school, no direction, and no future. I thought that I would never be able to move past this.
After I got expelled, my parents did everything they could to try and get me into a new school. Eventually, we decided that community college was the best (only) option at this point, and I picked a school two hours away from my hometown, because I was too ashamed to even chance running into somebody that I knew. My parents sat me down and told me that the only thing I had to worry about was my grades. They said that if I kept my head down and got good grades, at least I would have a chance. That was the only thing that I still had control over in my life.
While I was going to school, my dad took on the legal fight as a second job and my mom became my dad’s therapist, since they did not want to talk about this with anyone else. My dad worked tirelessly with our lawyer taking it through three or four different courts. Each time, we lost and appealed, only to also lose that appeal. Finally, my case ended up in front of the [REDACTED] Court of Appeals. A panel of judges agreed that the Title IX investigation was a kangaroo court. They said that it is “fundamentally flawed” to have one investigator act as the prosecutor, judge, jury, and executioner. This was an irreversible decision. These judges gave me my life back. I will never forget this moment for as long as I live.
Although I will never get the past four years back, I have options again for the first time since I was in high school. Yes, the degree I’m getting is from a school that is not that great. However, I actually have the option now to get a master’s degree and make up for it. The future is bright again. I couldn’t have made it through this without my parents.
So, for any parents out there reading this, please don’t let your son give up. This is going to be harder than you can even imagine for both you and your son, but you can’t just lie down and take it. You have to be strong for your son until he can be strong for himself again. Even if you don’t win in court, or can’t afford to keep fighting it, you can still offer the support and guidance that only parents can. He needs it now more than ever.
And for any guys going through what I’m going through, I have some advice, too. If you just recently got accused, you need to understand that you have to take this very seriously. It’s no joke; this is life-altering. If you’re already out of school, you can’t just sit around. Go to community college. Even if you never get into another four-year school, you can at least get a degree of some kind. With that being said, you can still find schools that will accept you. You just have to work hard and put yourself in the best position you can. It’s easier for schools to look past this stuff if you have good grades. I hate to say this, but your life is never going to be normal again. You have to come to grips with that and realize that you still have options, even if you think you don’t. I don’t have all of the answers, but what I do know is that you can’t just spend the rest of your life moping around your parents’ house. Even though your life seems like it’s over, you still have another 60+ years left to live. And 50-year-old you will never forgive 20-year-old you for quitting. READ John Doe’s detailed story @ titleixforall.com
