“It feels like your entire world is crashing down around you.”
“It strips you of your future.”
“I attempted suicide.”
That’s how Jonathon Andrews, a former Hanover College student, describes the impact of being falsely accused of sexual assault in late November 2015. Andrews, 23, is fighting back as an advocate for the falsely accused. Perhaps now, more than ever, Andrews and others have Washington behind them in the person of Education Secretary Betsy DeVos.
cincinnati.com By Kate Murphy
Personal Stories by Falsely Accused
If your son is TIX falsely accused at college, it’s an Orwellian nightmare. Gender feminists are in the business of accusing and expelling college males. #jobsecurity Read personal stories from those wrongly accused.
Most people think of Title IX in relation to women’s access to college sports, but in fact it mandates gender equity in all aspects of higher education. Under Obama’s DoE’s Office of Civil Rights, instructions were issued to all Universities (public and private) to agressively pursue sexual harassment/assault allegations under Title IX. Schools were given vague guidelines about how to proceed, and faced pricey compliance reviews if they showed insufficient vigor in ferreting out misconduct. But many Title IX cases have nothing to do with assault or sexual harassment. I learned this first hand when I unexpectedly faced a complaint last year.
quillette.com By Nicholas Wolfinger
Things seemed to go okay during my son’s freshman year and by senior year he held several leadership positions within his Sigma Chi fraternity chapter and also one with the national organization. In one of his positions he was expected to report instances of hazing. He took his job seriously and was diligent, which caused some brothers to be upset with him…My son’s senior year began in September 2015 and what should have been an exciting time for him became a nightmare. Unfortunately, he would become the target of some vindictive brothers…
saveservices.org By Bobbie Wilson
Young innocent accused college men describe traumatic investigations, and the aftermath of their shattered minds and lives. “Can you imagine coming out to your family under the pretenses you’re accused of sexual assault and you’re found guilty? During the investigation, I knew my family would be there to support me, but I could not imagine coming out to them twice: first, as an alleged rapist and second, as someone who is gay.
thedailybeast.com By Emily Shire
Parents of innocent accused sons are often crying inside for years as they try to help their young sons heal after they are treated cruelly and unjustly by Title IX. Title IX hearings are not about seeking truth when a sex accusation is made. Title IX is about cruelty towards the minority gender on campuses. Males.
New lawsuits appear weekly from accused males who have been bullied, abused and denied due process by Title IX. And thanks to Obama’s 2011 DCL, Title IX is very successful in expelling/suspending/denying an education to hundreds of males. Once accused, males are isolated from their friends, and told they cannot speak to anyone at the school about the accusation. As a result, these young 17-24 year old males are emotional wrecks for years, lending to suicidal thoughts, hospitalization or both.
I hear from these males and their parents, and below is a sampling of their suffering. Because this information is so personal, I’ve simplified the stories by removing details to protect identities.
My son suffers from panic attacks regularly.
My son has PTSD.
My son confessed to me that suicide crossed his mind more than once.
My son was suicidal but fortunately not successful thanks to friends.
My friend’s son was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and he is still in therapy.
My son is too distressed to talk to me.
My son’s spirit was damaged. I worried he might go down a black hole of depression. He barely ate or slept for months.
My son was deeply depressed for a long time and he still can’t discuss his experience with us.
My son committed suicide. Later on his accuser wanted to meet with me. She told me she was sorry for accusing my son. She was trying make another guy jealous.
The whole thing is a profoundly isolating experience.
I felt I was in a black hole.
Two years ago a my son committed suicide. His accuser later recanted.
My son was put on suicide watch at Occidental College. His friends were scared that he might hurt himself when he was removed from his dorm room and put in isolation. His friends called the suicide watch line, and for 24 hours my son had guards outside his room.
It’s been three years since my son was falsely accused, but he recently told me how dark his days had been, and how dark they still are at times. He also told me he considered killing himself during those dark days three years ago, and my husband and I never knew.
During my son’s Title IX hearing we told the college we were very afraid that our son would take his own life.
A lawyer told me that he takes phone calls 24/7 from college males who are suicidal as a result of being falsely accused.
The emotional toll of a false accusation on families and their son is immense. The psychological trauma is unbearable for these young college males, and thankfully many do not commit suicide, but the wounds are deep and permanent. The scars that these innocent men carry are intensely private and we must help them heal by offering a hand up, by preserving the presumption of innocence, and by demanding due process. If we do not, America is to blame.
I receive emails from many who are falsely accused. I am often saddened at the manipulative nature of the accusers, and shocked by the powerful Title IX gender specialists who think every female accusation is true, and treat every accused college male as a sexual deviant. The gender specialists are Title IX snake charmers hypnotizing young college girls to believe they’ve been assaulted when they haven’t. Young accused men are denied their college degree, they are isolated from their college community and sports teams, they are denied access to college dining halls, denied access to professors, denied access to the library, and viciously shamed into a rubble of manhood. Accusers rarely call the police or seek a rape kit. Accusers always call the Title IX snake charmers. Below are some of the accusations that I know.
A male is studying in the library for an exam and is staring off into the distance. A girl in the library files a Title IX complaint because he stared too long in her direction. He is suspended for one year, and can not be on campus. Title IX says staring is sexual assault.
A High School male senior is accepted to college and ready to enroll in classes during the summer. The male is informed that his HS ex-girlfriend (who is not going to college) called his college to say her ‘rapist’ is coming to their college. The male can not register, or move into his dorm, while Title IX investigates this girl’s accusation of a kiss that happened not at college, but at HS 200 miles away. The young male’s life was in turmoil and nearly ruined before he even began college. A lawyer had to be retained for true justice. Title IX says sexual assault includes believing an accusation from a jealous HS girl made against a rising freshman.
In 2011 a male broke up with his girlfriend through texting. She filed a Title IX complaint. The girl’s father is a Professor at the college. The male was expelled and denied an education. Years later the girl admitted she lied and signed a notarized document stating that the male never assaulted her. The male is still being denied his college education. Title IX says sexual assault includes revenge from an ex-girlfriend.
In 2013 a sophomore male had consensual sex with a freshman female. “The freshmen class was subject to a new political order, and it really had an effect on the impressionable women…these young girls were so unsure of themselves and how to maintain adult encounters with mutual emotional respect that the only way they could assert their identity was through rash and damaging behavior.” The female filed a Title IX complaint. The male was expelled, denied his education, and still can not transfer to another college. Title IX says sexual assault includes consensual sex.
In 2014 during a family neighborhood gathering a girl pursued a guy who already had a girlfriend. For a year this girl ignored the guy’s wishes who kept saying he had a girlfriend. In 2015 the guy finally got through to the girl. Five months later the girl filed a Title IX complaint for an ‘assault’ that happened 150 miles away in 2014 during the family gathering. The male was suspended a year before graduation. The girl then brought her accusation to the male’s work place. He was fired. This male lost his scholarships, education, degree, and employment. Title IX says sexual assault includes females who are denied the attention of males.
In 2015 a girl asked a guy to take class notes for her, After a month the guy realized he was being used and told the girl he was not going to be taking notes for her anymore. She told him if he stopped taking her class notes, she would accuse him of sexual assault. The guy continued taking her class notes for fear of being accused by her. Title IX says sexual assault includes females threatening males to do what they say or else.
To be continued…
This is my own story of what happened when the phone rang late one night.
..”don’t worry Mom, I’m fine but I’ve been taken out of my dorm room and moved elsewhere…. A girl and I had sex a few weeks ago, … she filed a complaint against me…. She agreed to have sex, I have it in writing,… I don’t know why she filed. Also Mom, I’m on suicide watch.”
That’s how my family’s nightmare began.
Initially I wanted to run and be on campus with him. He was a first year student. Who did he know that could be his protector against such an unfounded lie from this college girl?
Well I slowly learned over the months, that the college would do nothing to help my son through their Kafkaesque college investigation and hearing process. But the college would do everything and more, to help the girl in all ways possible, at all times. When we asked to see what the charges were, or other pertinent questions we were met with no comment, or you have to figure that out for yourself. Thankfully, we had an attorney who communicated with the college. Often he didn’t succeed any better than we did in obtaining information about the upcoming hearing, but we could commiserate together at the brazenness and arrogance of the college. In the months leading up to the hearing, I was thinking, this is my 18 year old son and this is how you treat one of your finest and brightest students? How dare you. You trample on his rights, your treat him as dangerous, and act as if he’s guilty before the college hearing even takes place? Before you review the evidence? Shame on you!
I think this was my biggest faux pas. I believed that the college, as an educational institution teaching truth and justice, would do the right thing. Act in a fair and impartial manner, as one would do in a court of law. I actually assumed they would look at the facts, and based on those facts, find my son innocent. I was naive. I didn’t know that the college had already pre-determined that my son was guilty, right at the moment the girl filed her complaint.
So it didn’t matter that a criminal investigation cleared my son, or that the police looked at the evidence and didn’t press charges or that witnesses offered to testify for my son. It really didn’t matter what evidence we had to prove his innocence, because the adjudicator refused to allow most of my son’s evidence into the college hearing. But what did matter at the college hearing was that the girl had as many staff around her as she needed to keep her upright and hold her hand. So that during the daylong hearing, she and her female friends could unleash their hatred at my son for his alleged assault and spew their fear-based, anti-male words at my son. He most certainly got a hysterical feminist tongue lashing from the staff, and also from the pitiful weak minded wounded girls (includes one of her witnesses.) Of course my son was shaken up. Who wants to be trapped in a room with girls yelling vicious lies at you for seven hours?
And of course, he must sit still, listen and take it. No rebuttal.
It is an unimaginable process that these college hearings engage in. Many of my son’s rights were denied. He didn’t have the right to review the evidence, or to question the witnesses, little cross examination was allowed, and he was denied his due process rights. Basically, this was not a fair and impartial college hearing; also his attorney wasn’t allowed in the hearing room; but of course college staff were permitted in the hearing room to sit and coddle the girl. And most of the staff supporting her had law degrees. Many constitutional rights were denied to my son. These are horrific college hearings. They’ll never be exposed properly. But in time I do hope reason and fairness will win and college boys will have their constitutional rights upheld in the future.
When the finding of guilt was emailed to my son, we were shocked. His friends were in disbelief. The sly adjudicator twisted words and logic into a pretzel, and found my loving, generous, handsome and kind-hearted son guilty. This injustice was very hard to take, and my son’s education, and successful future, has faltered because of this girl’s false accusation. She continues her education in college, very much in la-la land, insulated by neo-feminists, and wrapped in her own lie and label.
Today we continue to be in legal proceedings with the college, where their goal is to delay proceedings, and run us into the ground financially. But when you have an innocent son, nothing stops a mother from fighting for truth and justice.
– Mother of a falsely accused son,
Still fighting, having filed a lawsuit against the college for violating his rights three years ago
We live in America, where usually these social systems function well under the Constitution. We’re used to seeing First Responders doing their jobs, teachers, small-town mayors, everyone getting on and keeping us safe. We take safety for granted, because that’s how we grew up. But then we’re hit with some otherworldly bizarre logic that is the campus kangaroo system that’s mixed in with a feminist agenda: mix with water and stir, and presto, a unreal and horrifying episode in our family life that we never thought could happen here. What our sons went through is akin to everyday occurrences in a Third World country, or a political climate such as Pinochet’s Chile, or something like that, where logic and fairness aren’t part of the normal equation, and hardly the look of a civil society. It’s hard for us to understand this, because this isn’t the America we know. We’re not used to this academic dictatorship and a systemic and cascading failure of fairness and due process. To me, that’s what’s been so shocking. That’s my take, anyway, and that’s why it’s so surreal to those of us who are logical.
The inside story from an Anguished Massachusetts Mom
Hello, I am a mother of a son who was a transfer student to a well known university in the South. He was in school for 3 weeks when he met a girl in his class. After a couple of dates they had sex at his house where she spent the night. The next morning she invited him and his friend for breakfast at her house. They had drinks and she smoked pot.
After they left she decided she didn’t like the way his friend treated her and proceeded to threaten him with an accusation of rape if he did not implicate his friend in wrong doing. She then proceeded to accuse my son of drugging and raping her.
She spread this rumor throughout the university and my son was investigated by the local police and the university.
Luckily for us he had over 25 saved pages of text messages where she admitted to wanting to have sex and also admitted that this was her intention for the date. The police department did not pursue the case due to the evidence and the toxicology report showed no drugs in her system except for the marijuana that she had provided for herself. The university EOO investigated the case and found him not in violation of the university code of conduct.
We as a family spent many months in complete terror that this false accusation would ruin my sweet son’s life. It cost us over 15,000.00 in attorneys fees as we could not take the chance that our son would not be represented as we were not allowed to be present in the investigation.
Although he was found not guilty of these charges his reputation was ruined and to this day he can’t go out without someone threatening him and calling him a rapist. He did not have any real friends yet as he had only been there for a few weeks.
Since that time he is suffering from PTSD , anxiety and depression. He is self medicating with alcohol and he stays pretty isolated. Even though he didn’t do anything wrong and is the real victim, he is treated like the guilty one.
The system is set up to rally around her, the proposed victim. She had all the support and kindness from both the students and the faculty, especially in the first 4 months as the investigation was on going. It is criminal the way my son has been and still is being treated, as this person continues to perpetuate the lie under the guise of free speech.
We feel that she should not be able to continue these accusations when they have been investigated properly and have been determined to be false.
We were told that there is a non retaliation clause that prohibits the university from any action against her. I feel desperate to get my son out of there but he refuses to be run out as he did not do anything wrong.
He is a couple of semesters away from graduation but I am so very concerned for his well being as a part of his spirit has died and he has built a very dense wall around himself. It has taken a huge toll on him, his health, his well being and on the health and well being of his family.
I thought we were living in a country where this could not happen. That the false accusation would be met with swift action against the perpetrator. The accusation of rape is so heinous and such a soul stealing act that a false accusation should be illegal.
– Very worried mom
Even now, the process of ‘moving on’ after our son endured a false accusation of sexual misconduct in college traps our family standing in raw emotional tracks.
One night as the clock read 3:30 a.m., my mobile phone lit up and I sat up in bed. “Honey, what’s wrong?” my husband asked. “Nothing, babe, it’s okay, go back to sleep,” I replied, knowing he had a stressful day at work ahead of him.
On the phone I could hear quiet sobbing. I knew in an instant who it was. “It’s okay, I’m here,” I told the voice on the other end.
“I’m sorry mom, I just can’t do this anymore…”
And my heart broke yet again for my son, who is struggling to rebuild a promising life derailed by a false accusation.
I’m learning with our son that life doesn’t just go on after an allegation of rape on campus. Even after clearing his name, even years later, the pain returns, staggeringly fresh.
Our son isn’t weak, he is strong; our son isn’t unstable, he is a good person with a kind heart. This experience has knocked us all to our knees, and the long fight has left us reeling and raw.
I’m learning that the healing process isn’t a straight path for survivors of trauma. I’m learning that it offends some to even equate our experience with trauma. I’m learning that the message is clear to the American people, that on campus the innocent do not matter, that their lives aren’t as important, that we should be happy and celebrate clearing his name. I’m learning it doesn’t work that way. The damage to him, our family, his reputation, has been done. Moving on is not as easy as it seems.
Later that morning, I reached out to some of my new friends, other parents who have lived through campus adjudication with their innocent student. Finding this group has been a lifeline for our family. It’s hard being a parent of someone accused on campus, you feel that instant mark of abomination. The looks of pity and utter contempt you receive when on campus. Looks of horror including from campus employees afraid to meet your gaze is something, which with I’m familiar. They know who you are: you’re the rapist’s mom, and for an instant you know exactly how your innocent child feels.
I find myself brought back to those moments, years ago but so fresh in my mind. So real, even now, that I remember feeling the warmth of the sun, the smell of fresh cut grass on the campus lawn as I leaned over to pick up my son who was in a crumble, vomiting after a meeting with the Dean of Students. I remember students walking by and they seemed to be moving in slow motion. I remember their faces, stacks of books, laughing and smiling on their way to class. I remember seeing the Dean look out the glass door window, turning and walking the other way. It was in that moment that I knew we couldn’t trust the school. It was in that moment that I knew my son would never be the same.
I think what is hardest for me now is the silencing.
The bizarre feeling in the pit of my stomach I get watching Senators, Vice Presidents, Celebrities, and Activists all shouting for a cause, and I want to speak… I want to say “yes, yes I understand, we want survivors to feel supported, we want our girls to be safe… but what you’re preaching isn’t the truth of the story, it isn’t the reality for many innocent students on campus, there is another side.” I want to beg Senators McCaskill and Gillibrand to see the destruction of an innocent life, to feel his pain, to see his trauma, to know what it’s like to pick up your child who is in a crumble on the campus lawn, to ask them why his life doesn’t matter… but the silencing continues, and the war wages on.
But one day, hopefully the tide will turn toward a reasonable fusion of compassion and common sense. And until that day arrives and changes are permanently made in law and policy toward due process and fairness, my family and I will live on to fight another day. And one day when my son’s invisible wounds are healed, he will have been stronger for the journey.
-Mother of a falsely accused son